Losing a loved one is never easy, especially when their life is cut short due to the never-ending agony they endured. You begin to question yourself, could I do something to prevent this? In no time, the guilt consumes us in ways we never imagined, the question engraves in our heart deeper, until it becomes a part of our being. However, there are days when you feel life anew, you breathe air as if you’ve been suffocated for a long time, and the sun shines after decades of winter. You begin to wonder if the storm has passed, as the sudden calm is questionable, but has it?
Grief comes in waves, some days it hits hard enough to move you, and the other days it’s absent, blatantly deceiving you of its departure. Do not be deceived, for grief will return. The key isn’t in waiting for it to fade, it is in understanding and learning how to deal with it.
Here are a few key factors that will help you deal with grief:
Acceptance
Acceptance is the first stage to freeing ourselves of the grief or dealing with it to the least. Grief has its stages, and the initial stage is denial. Hence, the only way to eliminate or pass this stage is to accept what has happened and not create an alternate reality. Some people write or create a reality of their own where they manage their grief, this may be in terms of talking to themselves, writing letters to the lost one, or in worst cases, drugs. People find relief in any sort of escape, but what they do not understand is that an escape from reality is nothing more than running from it, and it will catch on to them sooner or later. Hence, as harsh as the real sounds, it is essential to accept it. You may do this by revisiting the graveyard where they rest in peace or reliving the memories by going to the same places you went with them. Moreover, you may also meet people who remind you of them.
Cherishing Their Memory
People tend to associate sadness with memories of those who are gone, which is of course, understandable. However, with time, we have the power to be able to remember people without having to feel sad about it. The key is in cherishing each moment, feeling nostalgic about it. If you are in a situation that automatically reminds you of the loss, divert your mind towards the thoughts of how life was with them, instead of how life is now without them. Cherish their memories, they deserve it, and so do you.
Dealing With Anger
When we lose someone, we often deal with anger, blaming ourselves or the world for what they had to go through, or at the universe for how unjustifiable this loss was. The key is in accepting and understanding the reality, and there is nothing you or anyone can do to reverse it.
Dealing With Depression
When you lose someone by suicide, depression sets in. You begin to have thoughts of guilt that in time overwhelm you. You look back at the life and all the things you said and wonder if things could have ended differently through one change or action. Could it? Might be. But what’s done is done, and we have to ensure we change the future because the past cannot be changed. To feel better, we can do something for the deceased in their memory. For example, opening a platform for people to talk without hesitation, feeding stray animals, and helping the poor. It helps.
To conclude, if you’re looking for people who have endured a similar pain, Suicide Watch and Wellness Foundation is the place to go.
